An Emancipated Woman, Looking For The Needle In The Haystack

I have hesitated on writing about the subject of men, but it is now time for this to be said and written about. So here goes.

Right now I am concentrating on my own life and happiness, but eventually I would like to have a healthy long-term relationship with a man around my age. After having been single for the past 12 years after a divorce, I highly suspect that being abducted by aliens would be more likely. I would love to meet a man who respects that I have my own life and is happy and successful in his own right.

The question is where are all the men my age? I have traditionally dated younger men, because they are a heck of a lot more fun and understanding of a strong woman and her needs. However, younger men are wanting marriage and children eventually, something I no longer want or can provide. All I am asking for is a man my age who also wants a relationship that is equal, a co-career relationship. We have all been around women whose husbands define their lives. All they talk about is their husband's life.

I don't need a man to define me or my life. I need a man to compliment my life, to have fun with, to share intimate times with. And yes, women want a fulfilling sex life just as much, if not more than a man. But double standards still exist in today's society. It's a shame, because there are many unsatisfied women waiting for a sea change. It's time.

Women have changed and we require a newly evolved man. However, it seems most men still want an appendage, not a complete person with her own life. They tell you all about their life, rarely do they even ask about yours.

Some men don't listen. They want you to become interested and engaged in their life, but will not do the same for you. Women require someone actively engaged in life, who also is open-minded enough to explore something new outside their own lives.

It's time for a change. It's time we stop defining our lives by men, because I know so many great women who don't have men in their lives right now and they are happier than those who do.

The truth is women are evolving with the times and most men are back in the 1950s wanting a woman to be their helpmate. Somewhere out there is a man, who has evolved enough to put his ego aside and be an equal partner. And as Michale Buble says I just haven't met him yet. I hope I won't have to wait for an alien invasion.

Happiness Without Reason

Suddenly I find myself smiling more. You see I was on this fast track to success and decided to get off or was I thrown off. No, I got off on my own. And looking back isn't going to help me anymore, or so I have decided. And for whatever reason for the first time in my life I don't have this fantasy future planned out for myself looming before me that I have to live out or die. Sure I have desires and dreams, but they don't drive me crazy trying to make them happen anymore.

I am here now, happy or so it seems without reason. I am roommates with my ex-husband, a man I couldn't wait to get away from 12 years ago. But we are friends at this point in our lives and both agree we make better friends than marital partners. However, he still says leaving him was the biggest mistake I ever made. But sometimes even mistakes are meant to be.

Anyway, happiness, I don't quite now how to describe it. But it's funny that it doesn't mean making a lot of money, which I don't right now. Funny it doesn't mean having a lot of friends, because I don't right now. Funny it doesn't mean being in total shape and in the best of health, because I am not.

I've discovered happiness just is. I wake up and am not driven like I was before to change my whole life. I always woke up thinking I had to do something, had to change something, make something, plan something, because wherever I was wasn't good enough.

Now, this moment is good enough. The sun isn't shining. I don't have a permanent job or a man in my life. And so what, who the hell cares. Life isn't about having things. It's about having peace of mind.

I know now that wherever I finally end up living, whatever I end up doing, it's going to be okay. Life is going to be okay.

I suppose one could say I am drama free. I am more conscious of what is going on around me that's for sure. Talk at work, or should I say gossip doesn't bother me. I realize what people say to me is really about them, not me.

I realize that everyone's expectations of me is about them, not me. And I don't care anymore what others expect me to do. I am more aligned with Spirit and where life is leading me day by day. But am in no hurry to get there. Because "there" has been my source of unhappiness. There is no "there." Right here is where it is at and truly all there is. If our thoughts are somewhere in the past or somewhere thinking of a grand future or fearing what is to come, we aren't going to be happy.

I have read about this concept several times in new age books and understood it, but until I actually lived it, I couldn't apply it in my own life. I was constantly looking for something out there in which to pin my happiness, when all along it was in the now moment. And in the now moment whatever is happening one must be happy. For happiness brings more happiness. Thinking that happiness is somewhere else in some other time that lies ahead, we say to ourselves "I am not happy now."

Well, I am not saying that anymore. I am happy. Life is good right now and that's all I need to know.

Peace and happiness to all.

Busy Enjoying Life...Happy Easter!

It's Easter today and I am preparing a very nontraditional Easter dinner, BBQ ribs and potato salad. I didn't attend church today, haven't joined a church here, because my stay here is merely temporary. Although, it has proved a longer stay then I originally had planned. But sometimes you just have to let life be what it is in the now moment. And right now I don't have to make any major decisions.

I am still actively looking for a permanent job, but have a temporary job with the US Census that is allowing me to enjoy life in South Louisiana. I had boiled crawfish last week...and it sure was tasty!

Still there is no permanency in my life, but I am finally able to accept that and be happy. Although, my friends and family probably do not totally understand that. Sometimes not making a decision is the best decision someone can make.

While in Albuquerque, NM late last year, I decided to try acupuncture. I went to three sessions and it wasn't really making much of difference in my hip pain, so I stopped going. But the experience did make a difference in my life. The acupuncturist had taken a similar path as mine years earlier and imparted his knowledge of his mid-life change onto me.

Rolando, originally from Jamaica, had dark skin, beautiful dread locks that hung to his shoulders and an engaging enough smile that made me feel at ease with him sticking needles into my skin for the first time. He had a calming, gentle way about him. Even when he had patients backed up in the waiting room, he never rushed anyone.

Working in a non-for-profit clinic, primarily serving those who could not afford medical care, he welcomed each of his patients with handshake and intense eye contact. I wasn't sure if that was part of his diagnostic technique or just his way of greeting people.

He told all his patients, if they couldn't afford the procedure he would still treat them, saying "pay what you feel you can afford." He proceeded with his examine. Apparently the tongue tells a tale into a person's health, because I found myself sticking my tongue out quite a bit for Rolando to examine.

Talking with an island accent he told me he could tell from the condition of my tongue and energy level that I was completely exhausted. He asked what was going on and I told him I left New York City, my career, my life and my friends to find my truth.

"Ah, I see," as if that told him everything he needed to know about me.

Before becoming a certified acupuncturist, Rolando was an engineering professor at Columbia University in New York City. He said he found himself not liking city life and wondering why the career he had chosen didn't make him happy. So like me, he moved to Albuquerque, without a clue what life was to bring.

"You aren't going to find the answers right away," he said. "I dropped out of life for over a year, played in a Reggae band. My friends all thought I was crazy."

He told me that sometimes what was needed was getting lost, before you could actually be found. He said the more you try to figure it out, the less likely the answers will come. He said sit with the emptiness for awhile and don't worry what everyone else thinks about you.

For someone who was always planning, scheming and doing something, sitting empty has not been easy. Being in a temporary situation isn't that easy either. But I believe it's better than taking a job that isn't right for me.

I've looked into going back to graduate school to get my master's in creative writing, but I want to study abroad. However, it seems getting a student Visa these days isn't as easy as it used to be. You have to convince a foreign government that you won't become a financial burden while attending school there. In the UK, the new Tier 4 Visa restrictions only allow students to work 10 hours a week while attending full-time school, which isn't enough to support oneself. However, the good thing is grad school is only a year in the UK and European Union countries. Whereas in the United States it takes two years of study. So I am still doing research.

Many possibilities are floating out there in the Universe and where I end up come Fall is going to be a roll of the dice. Sure I have a plans and ultimate desires. But in wanting something, one has to let go of the outcome and let the Universe provide "the way."

Patiently planning and awaiting the magic and being happy in the meantime that's what I am doing. And like John Lennon said "Life is what happens, when we are busy making other plans." Boy he sure did know what he was talking about. Life is in the now moment and we can't be so focused on the outcome that we miss the moments in between!

Just another day in paradise. I think I will go make myself a margarita and start making the potato salad.

Happy Easter everyone!

Still Floating in Limbo Land

Getting restless in the land of limbo. I am still in Lafayette, Louisiana, working temporarily for the 2010 Census. It's actually quite interesting to see how it is all done. And I have to say my coworkers are pleasant to work with and for and the work environment is stress free. The money is decent and my bills are getting paid. I like the fact that leaving at the end of day, I don't take my work home with me.

Although I am itching to get settled and be reunited with my furniture and personal belongings that are sitting in Northern New Jersey in a moving POD, I am in no hurry to make a final decision on what it is I am going to do as far as work. My resume is floating around cyberspace and has gotten a lot of hits from insurance companies and all kinds of business investment opportunities. None, however, have truly peaked my interest.

I climbed the corporate ladder in New York and have no desire to do the same again elsewhere. I think once you've made it to the top and weren't happy there, there's no need to repeat that experience.

I may go into sales at this point in my life, but I have to believe in the product. I can't sell something I wouldn't use myself. Wouldn't mind working for a wine purveyor, if I liked the wine. Wouldn't mind working in the hospitality industry, because one of my passions is international travel.

I made this trek across the country to find myself and more of what I wanted out of life. I have changed, slowed down a bit, which was needed. I don't need to do, do, do.

"You need to sit and be quiet," said a friend in New Mexico. "I find it a bit funny that you left New York City where there is always something to do and came to the middle of desert and expect to find something to do. Just do nothing and the answers will come to you."

I think the answers are floating to the top at this point. Just haven't found "the" answer yet. And that's okay.

I have to say I have had some incredible dreams. In one dream, I gave birth to my own beating heart, which to me means a new beginning of something that is heartfelt.

In looking back over my career, I find that what I enjoyed is interacting with all types of people. Being a journalist allowed me to meet and interview people from all walks of life. That's why I think sales might be the ticket, because I would be interacting with people all day long. I also know I have a tendency to get bored quite easily and hate being stuck indoors all day.

My favorite job was being a beat reporter and covering a large rural area in South Louisiana. The story was always out there somewhere and everyday was different. I wrote a story a day about everything from murder and mayhem to features on the forestry and crawfishing industries.

I didn't enjoy reporting on big city life or big business and found the stories to be pretty much about the same thing -- money. Money is actually boring to write about or so I found. The fact that math has never been my favorite subject doesn't help matters. I have no idea what happened to the left side of my brain, but it just isn't as developed as my right brain. But as many new age philosophers are saying right-brained people are going to lead the new world order. Is that a paying job? Where do I sign up?

So moving on, the job has to involve interaction with interesting people, travel outside the office, ideally international travel, a reasonable salary to pay my bills and make my life comfortable, involve my excellent communication skills and be stimulating enough to keep me interested. So I revamped my resume to include my hospitality industry education and experience and started sending it out last week to hotel corporations and several travel related companies.

I believe it's totally doable, because I am following my heart and I made a commitment to myself to do this life change. I am not one to sit on my laurels and complain that my life isn't what I want it to be. You have to go after it and that's what I have done. Sure it's been long and arduous, but that's what life is about peaks and valleys. Not all life can be dancing on the mountain tops. It's all in the journey baby...and this has been one hell of a journey and the mountain top looms ahead of me and this time I am on the right mountain!

I think at points in our lives we climb different mountains or perhaps we follow someone else up their mountain only to find this isn't where we want to be. However, we have to enjoy the climb, because we only stand a few moments gleaming in our achievements. Then it's off to find another mountain to climb.

Right now I am enjoying working a job that allows me to live in the moment and concentrate on what I truly want...and I know it will come. When I left New York, I thought I knew what I wanted. However, I needed to empty out those ego desires and go for something more aligned with what I was to become, not what I was in New York. I've changed and I am proud of those changes.

I kind of feel like George on Seinfeld when he's looking for a job and he doesn't know what he wants to do next. He suggests being a sportscaster because he really loves baseball.

"I think those jobs go to people with a broadcasting background or a former sports star," says Jerry.

"That really isn't fair," responds George.

I agree George!

George did end up working for the Yankees, so he followed his heart and there is justice in the world...even if it is in TV land....LOL

Love is Like Pizza

It took me most of my life to figure this very simple concept out: Being in a loving relationship requires that both people love themselves first and the hardest person to love is yourself.

Time after time, we all have become entangled with relationships where we try to get someone to fall in love with us when all along we are the ones who need to fall in love with us. And have you ever tired to love someone who does not love themselves. You will find yourself giving body and soul to get the job done. When one does not love themselves it is impossible for them to love another. Why is that?

Looking for love outside yourself is a losing battle. If you don't love yourself, you will continue to draw relationships that mirror that back to you. We've all heard of the law of attraction and how it works. If your vibration sends out a signature that says I need someone else to love me to make me whole, you will get someone who will abuse you, so that you love yourself enough to figure it out.

I heard this story long ago and it stuck with me. Love is like pizza. Let's say you are starving and have no food in the house and your cupboards are bare. Someone knocks on the door and says I will give you all the pizza you want as long as I can control you and your life. You are hungry, scared and alone and you don't know where your next meal is going to come from, so you let them in. And for awhile your hunger is quenched. But as the relationship continues, you realize this person doesn't really care about you. They just want to hurt you, use you.

In another scenario, the same person comes to the door. However, this time your cupboards are full and you have all the food and pizza you'll ever need. You say to the person "No thanks. I don't need pizza. Perhaps we can be friends and we can share our food, if you wish." If that person really had the capacity to love you, they would agree, but if they only wanted to use you, they would leave.

See the difference. When you are needy and require someone else to fill you with love, you are likely to let them in and allow them to treat you badly. You think you require their love to complete you. When you love yourself, you know you are already complete and no one can change that and you realize it is better to be alone then with someone who doesn't love or respect you.

When a person loves themselves, they eat right. They love their body and treat it with respect. They exercise and get the proper rest and nutrition. They are friends with like-minded people, work for employers who respect them, and know they don't need anything outside themselves to make them happy or whole. When you meet them, they glow with positive energy. Therefore they magnetize to them people who exude those characteristics.

If you are still saying, there aren't enough good people out there to date then you need to change that tune and start singing a different one. You are the only person who doesn't allow love into your life, not the other way around. And if you keep drawing people that abuse you, that's the vibe you are putting out there.

And for whatever reason, if you are alone, then you want to be alone. Either you don't love yourself enough, trust enough or haven't worked out your issues enough to let someone in. Life doesn't do you. You do life. So quit complaining and get out there, and if you keep drawing the same type of person that you don't want, look inside and work it out. It isn't them, it's you.

Cod Liver Oil - What our Mothers Knew

I started taking liquid Cod Liver Oil about three weeks ago along with liquid glucosamine and chondroitin and I have to say my arthritis pain in my hips has significantly been reduced and my flexibility has greatly been increased. I have combined it with yoga, cycling and inversion therapy.

Last summer before I began training for a 5K walk, I decided to get a checkup. I was experiencing pains down my upper right thigh, both on the inside and outside. My sister had double hip replacement years before, as she had advanced osteoarthritis in both hips. The doctor said yes, I had the same. The right hip was worse than the left and I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon, who said I needed a total hip replacement and I had hip dysplasia. Well, me being me, I ignored that advice and bought some supplements from GNC. It was a multi-pack joint supplement, which did very little good.

The pain got increasingly worse overtime and I began to lose mobility in the right leg. A friend who had back arthritis recommended inversion and supplement therapy along with yoga. And to my surprise that combination has worked and it hasn't even been one complete month. The effects are suppose to reach full-benefit within two months, so I may have nipped the progress and I can now walk further distances without pain.

I have to warn you Cod Liver Oil has an after taste and it is recommended that you get a high-quality liquid oil. They have different flavorings. I am currently trying the strawberry flavored Nordic Naturals Cod Liver Oil. It's not bad.

There are a myriad of benefits to Cod Liver Oil. Here's an excerpt from Homeredmediesweb.com

What is Cod Liver Oil?

Cod Liver Oil is a nutrient rich oil that is derived from the liver of Cod fish. It is available in both oil form as well as in capsules.

What are the Benefits of Cod Liver Oil?

Cod liver oil is a wonderful nutritional supplement which provides multiple health benefits. It is rich in nutrients such as:

• Vitamin A: helps to maintain a healthy immune system, helps resist bacterial and viral infections, and beneficial for eyesight and healthy skin.
• Vitamin D: helps maintain strong and healthy bones.
• Omega-3 Fatty Acids: have anti-inflammatory properties which help relieve the symptoms of arthritis, improve brain function, reduce stress, prevent allergies, relieve asthma, and help with learning and behavioral disorders including bipolar syndrome.
• EicosaPentaenoic Acid (EPA): is great for the cardiovascular system and helps reduce inflammation throughout the body. Also works as a natural anti-depressant.
• DocosaHexaenoic Acid (DHA): is also a fatty acid which is vital for good eyesight, a healthy nervous system, and healthy skin.

Research has also shown that consuming 1-2 teaspoons of cod liver oil daily can help to prevent serious diseases such as cancer, diabetes, arthritis, musculoskeletal pain, kidney problems, and high cholesterol.

Uses of Cod Liver Oil

Home Remedy for Arthritis

Consuming a small amount of Cod Liver Oil each day helps prevent arthritis, as well as provides some relief from arthritis pain. A recommended dosage is 1 to 2 teaspoons daily, or follow the directions on the bottle if you are using capsules.

Home Remedy for Muscle Aches and Pain

Bone and muscle pain are two of the primary symptoms of having low-levels of vitamin D. Many people with such low vitamin D levels notice signficant pain in their legs and have difficulty climbing stairs. Numerous studies have shown that 1 to 2 teaspoons of Cod Liver Oil daily can increase vitamin D levels in the body which helps to improve muscle strength and reduce muscle pain.

Home Remedy for Preventing Heart Disease

Taking 1 to 2 teaspoons of cod liver oil everyday can greatly improve heart function which helps prevent heart disease. It can also improve heart conditions even after a heart attack and after heart surgery. This is attributed to the omega-3 fatty acids which alters the linings of the arteries in such a way as to improve healing after damage. Vitamin A and D also play important roles in facilitating mineral absorption, improving muscle function, and supporting elasticity of the blood vessels.

Home Remedy for High Cholesterol

The fatty acids in Cod Liver Oil help lower the amount of bad cholesterol in our body. A simple remedy is to consume 1-2 teaspoons of Cod Liver Oil daily.

Being Empty, It's a Good Thing!

We've all heard the saying "God can't fill a cup that is full. A cup must be empty before it can be filled with the new." But what does that truly mean. For me it meant I needed to let go of people, places and things that kept me from changing and dropping beliefs about life that no longer served my higher good.

I currently find myself with an empty cup, but it's a good empty. At first I felt an immediate need to fill that cup with something, anything. But I have learned that true happiness doesn't come from external circumstances and if it does your happiness will always depend on something outside yourself. Even though many times people complain about their jobs, lifestyles, friends and spouses, they keep making the same decisions. They keep filling their cup with the very things they say are making them unhappy. That's the safe choice. It doesn't require us to change. True change comes with risk taking, with the possibility of failure, and it requires making new choices.

I think when your life is empty, you have time to actually reflect on what was, what you liked, what you regret, what you want more of and what you want less of in life. It also creates room to focus on what is truly fulfilling and joyful for us.

I realize now that I wasn't really making conscious choices. I just took what was given. Instead of going after jobs I wanted, I applied for jobs I thought I could get. I didn't realize I had the ability to co-create what I wanted or I was too afraid to actually go for it. It's a lot easier to do the thing you've done than to trail blaze an entire new path. And then there is always the risk that you will make a wrong choice. I believe my cup was still full when I made the decision to move to New Mexico and with a cup filled to the brim with things that didn't fulfill me, the decisions I made subconsciously perhaps were to empty that cup. What better place than the desert to empty things out? Through trials and tribulation I was emptied. (See previous blog entries.)

And sitting with that emptiness I finally feel that a new beginning is now possible. It took a long time, nearly six months and I had to look at some pretty ugly truths about myself and about the way I acted or reacted to life. I had to forgive many people and ultimately myself. I had to give up trying to be right and trying to get everyone to see my point of view or make them wrong. Everyone has the right to live their truth, whether or not anyone else agrees with it. I also had to look at the choices I made as well as the reasons I made them. Basically I believe like many people I was not conscious completely and I wasn't following my gut instinct. Until we become conscious, awakened to the present moment and the infinite choices we have, we will continue to make unconscious choices and won't be awakened to our abilities of intuition.

I considered moving back to New Jersey, but sitting with that decision for a few weeks, just didn't feel right. Our bodies will tell us, if we listen to it, what feels right. I am not talking about emotions. I am talking about intuition, gut instinct. As the world awakens, humans also awaken to this innate ability to use their internal guidance. As Louise Hay says, "You do know what to do." And truly I think we do know what to do in any given moment, if we actually sit with ourselves and ask internally is this the right decision.

Having reached mid-life has had much to do with emptying my cup. I don't want the same things anymore. I want something better, something more meaningful, more satisfying. Up to this point it seems I've just went from job to job, taking the offers that were given. I climbed the corporate ladder in Manhattan. Made it to the window office, with an assistance and was the director of marketing and communications of an international real estate firm. Sure it was great for awhile. It just didn't give me the fulfillment I thought it would. But I don't regret it. It has brought me here and was a necessary right of passage.

I think after reaching a certain age, we just want more from everything. We want more fulfilling jobs, relationships and experiences. We want to live our truth and that truth isn't living a life that our friends and families expect us to live. It's digging deep inside and pulling out those things that make us burst with happiness in just doing them and the second part is having enough courage and tenacity to go after it.

In the empty cup stage, you are more likely to go after what you want more of in life. Once you've sat there with yourself, exposing your weakness, your shortcomings, you conclude that you truly aren't all that bad and you then can look outside yourself again. Your decisions become more conscious, healthier. You begin to love yourself despite your faults and foibles. And the more you love yourself the easier it becomes to make good decisions that will bring the joy you want out of life. You won't take jobs that don't honor you, you will pass on relationships that will drain you and you start to truly care about your health, what you eat and how you treat your body. It also becomes easier to maintain those choices; and you've now made space in your life for God to refill your cup with the good stuff.

So what's next for me? Whatever it is and wherever it will be, I know it will be a life overflowing with love, happiness and abundance, because I am more prepared to go after it and I at a point where I know I truly deserve it!