Still Floating in Limbo Land

Getting restless in the land of limbo. I am still in Lafayette, Louisiana, working temporarily for the 2010 Census. It's actually quite interesting to see how it is all done. And I have to say my coworkers are pleasant to work with and for and the work environment is stress free. The money is decent and my bills are getting paid. I like the fact that leaving at the end of day, I don't take my work home with me.

Although I am itching to get settled and be reunited with my furniture and personal belongings that are sitting in Northern New Jersey in a moving POD, I am in no hurry to make a final decision on what it is I am going to do as far as work. My resume is floating around cyberspace and has gotten a lot of hits from insurance companies and all kinds of business investment opportunities. None, however, have truly peaked my interest.

I climbed the corporate ladder in New York and have no desire to do the same again elsewhere. I think once you've made it to the top and weren't happy there, there's no need to repeat that experience.

I may go into sales at this point in my life, but I have to believe in the product. I can't sell something I wouldn't use myself. Wouldn't mind working for a wine purveyor, if I liked the wine. Wouldn't mind working in the hospitality industry, because one of my passions is international travel.

I made this trek across the country to find myself and more of what I wanted out of life. I have changed, slowed down a bit, which was needed. I don't need to do, do, do.

"You need to sit and be quiet," said a friend in New Mexico. "I find it a bit funny that you left New York City where there is always something to do and came to the middle of desert and expect to find something to do. Just do nothing and the answers will come to you."

I think the answers are floating to the top at this point. Just haven't found "the" answer yet. And that's okay.

I have to say I have had some incredible dreams. In one dream, I gave birth to my own beating heart, which to me means a new beginning of something that is heartfelt.

In looking back over my career, I find that what I enjoyed is interacting with all types of people. Being a journalist allowed me to meet and interview people from all walks of life. That's why I think sales might be the ticket, because I would be interacting with people all day long. I also know I have a tendency to get bored quite easily and hate being stuck indoors all day.

My favorite job was being a beat reporter and covering a large rural area in South Louisiana. The story was always out there somewhere and everyday was different. I wrote a story a day about everything from murder and mayhem to features on the forestry and crawfishing industries.

I didn't enjoy reporting on big city life or big business and found the stories to be pretty much about the same thing -- money. Money is actually boring to write about or so I found. The fact that math has never been my favorite subject doesn't help matters. I have no idea what happened to the left side of my brain, but it just isn't as developed as my right brain. But as many new age philosophers are saying right-brained people are going to lead the new world order. Is that a paying job? Where do I sign up?

So moving on, the job has to involve interaction with interesting people, travel outside the office, ideally international travel, a reasonable salary to pay my bills and make my life comfortable, involve my excellent communication skills and be stimulating enough to keep me interested. So I revamped my resume to include my hospitality industry education and experience and started sending it out last week to hotel corporations and several travel related companies.

I believe it's totally doable, because I am following my heart and I made a commitment to myself to do this life change. I am not one to sit on my laurels and complain that my life isn't what I want it to be. You have to go after it and that's what I have done. Sure it's been long and arduous, but that's what life is about peaks and valleys. Not all life can be dancing on the mountain tops. It's all in the journey baby...and this has been one hell of a journey and the mountain top looms ahead of me and this time I am on the right mountain!

I think at points in our lives we climb different mountains or perhaps we follow someone else up their mountain only to find this isn't where we want to be. However, we have to enjoy the climb, because we only stand a few moments gleaming in our achievements. Then it's off to find another mountain to climb.

Right now I am enjoying working a job that allows me to live in the moment and concentrate on what I truly want...and I know it will come. When I left New York, I thought I knew what I wanted. However, I needed to empty out those ego desires and go for something more aligned with what I was to become, not what I was in New York. I've changed and I am proud of those changes.

I kind of feel like George on Seinfeld when he's looking for a job and he doesn't know what he wants to do next. He suggests being a sportscaster because he really loves baseball.

"I think those jobs go to people with a broadcasting background or a former sports star," says Jerry.

"That really isn't fair," responds George.

I agree George!

George did end up working for the Yankees, so he followed his heart and there is justice in the world...even if it is in TV land....LOL

Love is Like Pizza

It took me most of my life to figure this very simple concept out: Being in a loving relationship requires that both people love themselves first and the hardest person to love is yourself.

Time after time, we all have become entangled with relationships where we try to get someone to fall in love with us when all along we are the ones who need to fall in love with us. And have you ever tired to love someone who does not love themselves. You will find yourself giving body and soul to get the job done. When one does not love themselves it is impossible for them to love another. Why is that?

Looking for love outside yourself is a losing battle. If you don't love yourself, you will continue to draw relationships that mirror that back to you. We've all heard of the law of attraction and how it works. If your vibration sends out a signature that says I need someone else to love me to make me whole, you will get someone who will abuse you, so that you love yourself enough to figure it out.

I heard this story long ago and it stuck with me. Love is like pizza. Let's say you are starving and have no food in the house and your cupboards are bare. Someone knocks on the door and says I will give you all the pizza you want as long as I can control you and your life. You are hungry, scared and alone and you don't know where your next meal is going to come from, so you let them in. And for awhile your hunger is quenched. But as the relationship continues, you realize this person doesn't really care about you. They just want to hurt you, use you.

In another scenario, the same person comes to the door. However, this time your cupboards are full and you have all the food and pizza you'll ever need. You say to the person "No thanks. I don't need pizza. Perhaps we can be friends and we can share our food, if you wish." If that person really had the capacity to love you, they would agree, but if they only wanted to use you, they would leave.

See the difference. When you are needy and require someone else to fill you with love, you are likely to let them in and allow them to treat you badly. You think you require their love to complete you. When you love yourself, you know you are already complete and no one can change that and you realize it is better to be alone then with someone who doesn't love or respect you.

When a person loves themselves, they eat right. They love their body and treat it with respect. They exercise and get the proper rest and nutrition. They are friends with like-minded people, work for employers who respect them, and know they don't need anything outside themselves to make them happy or whole. When you meet them, they glow with positive energy. Therefore they magnetize to them people who exude those characteristics.

If you are still saying, there aren't enough good people out there to date then you need to change that tune and start singing a different one. You are the only person who doesn't allow love into your life, not the other way around. And if you keep drawing people that abuse you, that's the vibe you are putting out there.

And for whatever reason, if you are alone, then you want to be alone. Either you don't love yourself enough, trust enough or haven't worked out your issues enough to let someone in. Life doesn't do you. You do life. So quit complaining and get out there, and if you keep drawing the same type of person that you don't want, look inside and work it out. It isn't them, it's you.

Cod Liver Oil - What our Mothers Knew

I started taking liquid Cod Liver Oil about three weeks ago along with liquid glucosamine and chondroitin and I have to say my arthritis pain in my hips has significantly been reduced and my flexibility has greatly been increased. I have combined it with yoga, cycling and inversion therapy.

Last summer before I began training for a 5K walk, I decided to get a checkup. I was experiencing pains down my upper right thigh, both on the inside and outside. My sister had double hip replacement years before, as she had advanced osteoarthritis in both hips. The doctor said yes, I had the same. The right hip was worse than the left and I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon, who said I needed a total hip replacement and I had hip dysplasia. Well, me being me, I ignored that advice and bought some supplements from GNC. It was a multi-pack joint supplement, which did very little good.

The pain got increasingly worse overtime and I began to lose mobility in the right leg. A friend who had back arthritis recommended inversion and supplement therapy along with yoga. And to my surprise that combination has worked and it hasn't even been one complete month. The effects are suppose to reach full-benefit within two months, so I may have nipped the progress and I can now walk further distances without pain.

I have to warn you Cod Liver Oil has an after taste and it is recommended that you get a high-quality liquid oil. They have different flavorings. I am currently trying the strawberry flavored Nordic Naturals Cod Liver Oil. It's not bad.

There are a myriad of benefits to Cod Liver Oil. Here's an excerpt from Homeredmediesweb.com

What is Cod Liver Oil?

Cod Liver Oil is a nutrient rich oil that is derived from the liver of Cod fish. It is available in both oil form as well as in capsules.

What are the Benefits of Cod Liver Oil?

Cod liver oil is a wonderful nutritional supplement which provides multiple health benefits. It is rich in nutrients such as:

• Vitamin A: helps to maintain a healthy immune system, helps resist bacterial and viral infections, and beneficial for eyesight and healthy skin.
• Vitamin D: helps maintain strong and healthy bones.
• Omega-3 Fatty Acids: have anti-inflammatory properties which help relieve the symptoms of arthritis, improve brain function, reduce stress, prevent allergies, relieve asthma, and help with learning and behavioral disorders including bipolar syndrome.
• EicosaPentaenoic Acid (EPA): is great for the cardiovascular system and helps reduce inflammation throughout the body. Also works as a natural anti-depressant.
• DocosaHexaenoic Acid (DHA): is also a fatty acid which is vital for good eyesight, a healthy nervous system, and healthy skin.

Research has also shown that consuming 1-2 teaspoons of cod liver oil daily can help to prevent serious diseases such as cancer, diabetes, arthritis, musculoskeletal pain, kidney problems, and high cholesterol.

Uses of Cod Liver Oil

Home Remedy for Arthritis

Consuming a small amount of Cod Liver Oil each day helps prevent arthritis, as well as provides some relief from arthritis pain. A recommended dosage is 1 to 2 teaspoons daily, or follow the directions on the bottle if you are using capsules.

Home Remedy for Muscle Aches and Pain

Bone and muscle pain are two of the primary symptoms of having low-levels of vitamin D. Many people with such low vitamin D levels notice signficant pain in their legs and have difficulty climbing stairs. Numerous studies have shown that 1 to 2 teaspoons of Cod Liver Oil daily can increase vitamin D levels in the body which helps to improve muscle strength and reduce muscle pain.

Home Remedy for Preventing Heart Disease

Taking 1 to 2 teaspoons of cod liver oil everyday can greatly improve heart function which helps prevent heart disease. It can also improve heart conditions even after a heart attack and after heart surgery. This is attributed to the omega-3 fatty acids which alters the linings of the arteries in such a way as to improve healing after damage. Vitamin A and D also play important roles in facilitating mineral absorption, improving muscle function, and supporting elasticity of the blood vessels.

Home Remedy for High Cholesterol

The fatty acids in Cod Liver Oil help lower the amount of bad cholesterol in our body. A simple remedy is to consume 1-2 teaspoons of Cod Liver Oil daily.

Being Empty, It's a Good Thing!

We've all heard the saying "God can't fill a cup that is full. A cup must be empty before it can be filled with the new." But what does that truly mean. For me it meant I needed to let go of people, places and things that kept me from changing and dropping beliefs about life that no longer served my higher good.

I currently find myself with an empty cup, but it's a good empty. At first I felt an immediate need to fill that cup with something, anything. But I have learned that true happiness doesn't come from external circumstances and if it does your happiness will always depend on something outside yourself. Even though many times people complain about their jobs, lifestyles, friends and spouses, they keep making the same decisions. They keep filling their cup with the very things they say are making them unhappy. That's the safe choice. It doesn't require us to change. True change comes with risk taking, with the possibility of failure, and it requires making new choices.

I think when your life is empty, you have time to actually reflect on what was, what you liked, what you regret, what you want more of and what you want less of in life. It also creates room to focus on what is truly fulfilling and joyful for us.

I realize now that I wasn't really making conscious choices. I just took what was given. Instead of going after jobs I wanted, I applied for jobs I thought I could get. I didn't realize I had the ability to co-create what I wanted or I was too afraid to actually go for it. It's a lot easier to do the thing you've done than to trail blaze an entire new path. And then there is always the risk that you will make a wrong choice. I believe my cup was still full when I made the decision to move to New Mexico and with a cup filled to the brim with things that didn't fulfill me, the decisions I made subconsciously perhaps were to empty that cup. What better place than the desert to empty things out? Through trials and tribulation I was emptied. (See previous blog entries.)

And sitting with that emptiness I finally feel that a new beginning is now possible. It took a long time, nearly six months and I had to look at some pretty ugly truths about myself and about the way I acted or reacted to life. I had to forgive many people and ultimately myself. I had to give up trying to be right and trying to get everyone to see my point of view or make them wrong. Everyone has the right to live their truth, whether or not anyone else agrees with it. I also had to look at the choices I made as well as the reasons I made them. Basically I believe like many people I was not conscious completely and I wasn't following my gut instinct. Until we become conscious, awakened to the present moment and the infinite choices we have, we will continue to make unconscious choices and won't be awakened to our abilities of intuition.

I considered moving back to New Jersey, but sitting with that decision for a few weeks, just didn't feel right. Our bodies will tell us, if we listen to it, what feels right. I am not talking about emotions. I am talking about intuition, gut instinct. As the world awakens, humans also awaken to this innate ability to use their internal guidance. As Louise Hay says, "You do know what to do." And truly I think we do know what to do in any given moment, if we actually sit with ourselves and ask internally is this the right decision.

Having reached mid-life has had much to do with emptying my cup. I don't want the same things anymore. I want something better, something more meaningful, more satisfying. Up to this point it seems I've just went from job to job, taking the offers that were given. I climbed the corporate ladder in Manhattan. Made it to the window office, with an assistance and was the director of marketing and communications of an international real estate firm. Sure it was great for awhile. It just didn't give me the fulfillment I thought it would. But I don't regret it. It has brought me here and was a necessary right of passage.

I think after reaching a certain age, we just want more from everything. We want more fulfilling jobs, relationships and experiences. We want to live our truth and that truth isn't living a life that our friends and families expect us to live. It's digging deep inside and pulling out those things that make us burst with happiness in just doing them and the second part is having enough courage and tenacity to go after it.

In the empty cup stage, you are more likely to go after what you want more of in life. Once you've sat there with yourself, exposing your weakness, your shortcomings, you conclude that you truly aren't all that bad and you then can look outside yourself again. Your decisions become more conscious, healthier. You begin to love yourself despite your faults and foibles. And the more you love yourself the easier it becomes to make good decisions that will bring the joy you want out of life. You won't take jobs that don't honor you, you will pass on relationships that will drain you and you start to truly care about your health, what you eat and how you treat your body. It also becomes easier to maintain those choices; and you've now made space in your life for God to refill your cup with the good stuff.

So what's next for me? Whatever it is and wherever it will be, I know it will be a life overflowing with love, happiness and abundance, because I am more prepared to go after it and I at a point where I know I truly deserve it!

The Great Awakening

I just wrote a dear spiritual friend in India, who asked me to elaborate on what has been happening in my life. So here is what is in my heart to say about where I am.

I believe like many new age thinkers that many people on the earth at this time are being called to awaken more deeply to our own spiritual powers. Many books have been written about this awakening process that will peak at 2012. Unlike Hollywood and many others who buy into this scary synopsis of the end of the world in a cataclysmic event, new agers believe that it is merely the shifting of energy that is necessary to change the earth from the ego mind into a heart-centered existence.

Of course you must read Eckart Tolle's books, which go into detail about this shift from an ego centered life. His books The Power of Now and The New Earth, address this topic in length.

My belief is that we are all being called in an accelerated pace to fulfill our soul's mission this lifetime. However, in order to do that we have to empty out these limiting beliefs that have kept us from the truth that we are all magnificent, creative beings that co-create with the Universe. The worldwide economy going into a tailspin is helping people to realize what is truly important in life. Some will learn this, some will not. If all we have is our possessions, our jobs to define us, then we are ego-centered. However, this planet-wide awakening is making us see that those things are not happiness. There will come a day in the future when success isn't gauged by material possessions and large bank accounts, but by how much love and joy is in your heart. It may be hundreds of years from now, but it will come to pass. That is the New Earth.

The overall change is away from this fear-based religion where we beg God to help us with our lives. We are being made to see that our thoughts, our actions are what creates our lives. When we tap into the Universal God source, we co-create our existence. We will also see that negative thought patterns over time is what keeps us separate from the very things we are praying about. We have to go to God in thankfulness as if what we desire has already been created in our lives. Take a look also at Ernest Holmes books on Science of the Mind. It goes into great detail about how to co-create with God.

My journey in this awakening has taken its toll, but God cannot fill a cup that is already full. And I was taken to my knees in the New Mexico...because I am so very stubborn. We've all heard of the Charles Dicken's story The Christmas Carol where three ghosts come to this stingy horrible man, who has no compassion, no love in his heart. All Ebenezer Scrooge knows is money. He is shown his past, his present and his possible future if he does not change. I went through something very similar. No, there were no ghosts, but I believe the story is an analogy of what Spirit shows us, if we want to open our hearts to actually see it.

In New Mexico, I had a roommate, who was abused as a child, being so angry and unable to get over her childhood pain that she truly couldn't function. I saw in a way that was me. Every decision I made, was based on the lack of love I didn't receive as a child. I had no compassion for anyone but me. I had become the thing I hated in everyone, stingy, and unloving and uncaring. All I talked about was myself. All I thought about was my life and when I was going to meet the love of my life. Thinking once I had the job, the man, the house then my life would be complete. In that train of thought, we are telling ourselves we need something outside ourselves to make us happy, when it is inside us all along.

I was made to see, if I didn't change, which wasn't an option, I would never have real love or have anything I wanted in life. I was made to see it was ME that wasn't allowing the goodness. I also believe I was made to see that I forced New Mexico to be and that's why it didn't work. When we go against the current of the flow of life or God's will for us, we find resistance. When we go with the flow of the river, we find doors opening.

I found no doors opening in Albuquerque to walk through. I found only resistance. And as fate would have it I met a woman who came to New Mexico through a door God opened. While working at Pier One in Albuquerque, she came in the store and we began to talk. I told her I came to New Mexico on vacation to find a job and then moved without one. She told me this wonderful story of how she came there on vacation and a job just fell into her lap. I believe God wanted me to experience what it felt like to go against the flow of the river.

My faith has been tested, but I have survived with the help of some wonderful people in my life. My dear friend in Nutley, NJ, who has been a huge blessing, asked me before I left for New Mexico "what's the worst that can happen?" I said "I could be lying homeless on the streets of Albuquerque."

Well, that didn't happen, but it nearly took that for me to see that God provides the way if that way is aligned with your soul's mission. And your soul's mission brings much joy and bliss in your life, and when you get the garbage that has been poured into you by the world out of the way, the path will become evident. God has a bigger plan for our lives than we can ever imagine and when our thoughts are aligned with those plans miracles happen!


Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, And light unto my path. Psalms 119;105

Betwixt and Between - To Write or Not To Write

I have been at this place many times in my life, not knowing what direction to take or knowing the direction but feeling inadequate to take it.

Bar tending between reporting jobs in 2001, I looked out the window at the sugar cane bending in the blustery winds of South Louisiana thinking what the heck am I doing here and what should I do next. Surely this can't be it. I was working at a beer and shot bar on the outskirts of Lafayette. Why? I just didn't know if I wanted to stay in Louisiana. But no path opened except a reporting job that was offered six months previously. So I took it and wrote the best stories of my career. I was a beat reporter covering the three outlying parishes surrounding Lafayette and I loved it. And I was damn good at it.

At my desk at The Daily Advertiser in 2002

Once again I am at a similar point in life. After having taken a long look at big city life in Manhattan, I am back in South Louisiana asking similar questions. Can I deny my true nature, true gifts and God given talents as a writer. My friends and family say that I was happiest being a writer.

If you aren't a writer, and I mean someone who actually went to school and got a degree, then it's hard to understand. Sure there are writers who didn't attend a university, but when you get a degree in anything you are professing that that is what you want to do, what you have to do, what you are going to do. I graduated Magna Cum Laude. I got straight A's in my journalism classes, minus one B+. I was recommended by the assistant dean of the journalism school for a working internship in my senior year. I was a paid journalist before I even graduated. I was made an editor upon graduation. But still I doubted my ability to write meaningful prose. I questioned that this was my true path.

However, no matter how far I try to run from it, my writing keeps pulling me back. So I am making a promise to myself to start writing and to take my craft seriously, because truly that's what I do best.

Probably the largest obstacles I have to overcome is feeling "not good enough" to write a book and the ever present fear of failing. But doesn't every writer feel that way until the writing is done and a contract is in hand. And believe me I know the naysayers will be coming out of the woodwork, saying they wrote a book only to find no one wanted it etc., etc., etc. If all else fails, self-publishing is always an alternative.

I feel I must write....so here's to honoring the path that lies before me. And let the Light lead the way!

Go Saints, Game-Day Gumbo, Fat Tuesday!

Just got back from the store to buy my Andouille sausage for gumbo and over the PA system the butcher was singing "When the Saints go marching in," and then he began announcing his Superbowl specials. Party time!!!!!!!! Go Saints!

I am making a big pot of chicken and sausage gumbo today and waiting for the game to begin. Many folks from here are going to Florida or holding Superbowl parties. Parties have already started in New Orleans for the traditional Mardi Gras celebrations as well. People think it's just that day. Heck no it's a two-week long drunk fest for some. Fat Tuesday is right around the corner too! Fat Tuesday is always the day before lent begins and it changes every year. This year its February 16th. I am planning to go to Old Mamou, for an old-fashioned Madri Gras this year.

I know I am in Coon Ass (nickname for Cajuns) country. I tried to buy wine and beer before 11 am on a Sunday. You can't buy wine or hard liquor, but you can buy beer. I guess beer is a staple down here and they ain't about to restrict that.

Wow, and what a Fat Tuesday it will be too if the Saints do win. Talk about an underdog team taking it to the top. The city deserves it, after all its been through with Hurricane Katrina. Did I say Go Saints!

I hope to make a trip down to The Big Easy after Mardi Gras season. I've been to New Orleans twice for Mardi Gras and some parts of the city are like Time Square on New Year's Eve. I was lucky enough to go with someone who had a friend with an apartment on the parade route. We could escape the madness at times and having a bathroom nearby was crucial.

Look at that bling and those purple nails!

Here's a gumbo recipe if you are so inclined:

• Huge pot
• 4 quarts of water
• 4 heaping tablespoons of brunette roux
• One large chicken cut up and seasoned (I use Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning)
• 1 large onion chopped
• 1 red pepper chopped
• 1 green pepper chopped
• 1 pound Andouille sausage (fried and cut up - add about 3/4 way through)
• 1/2 green onions chopped (add last)
• 1/2 cup parsley chopped (add last)

You start with the roux and pour in the water. Let that simmer for one half hour. Add all other ingredients except the last three listed. Bring to boil, lower heat and simmer for 1 to 2 hours. About and hour or so through the simmering phase, I fry the sausage and add it in. When it's about done the chicken starts to fall off bone. Some people leave chicken pieces on the bone. I take it out at this point and add the chicken deboned back in. One half hour before you serve, you add the green onions and parsley. Simmer for 3o minutes and serve over rice.

Enjoy the game and Go Saints!!!!!!!!!!!!