Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Harvest and The Droughts of Life

It's been more than two months since my hip replacement surgery, and I am now walking without the aid of a cane. Full recovery is expected within three to six months of the surgery.

Meanwhile, I've had a lot of downtime these past few months, but I hit the ground running after the surgery (well almost). I am volunteering at a local Food Bank to do their public relations. I also started writing a weekly inspirational column for the website Global Light Minds. I've also had time to hammer out the first five chapters of my book Following The Light - thanks in part to my editor friend Sue, who has been a constant source of inspiration and encouragement.

However, I've let go of trying to figure out where the Universe will take me next. Sometimes all the planning in the world will never get you what you think you want. During this mecca to find my purpose, my truth, I've often had to throw my hands in the air and say "not my will but yours God."

I've also had to look at the darker sides of my being and honor them and then release them. Loaded with limiting beliefs that held me back, I was truly stuck and couldn't find the path forward. I've knocked on doors only to find that no matter how hard I rapped they would remain closed to me. I scratched my head, cried in fear, called out to God in the darkness asking "why." Only to find the answers didn't come.

The voids are where I feel you do your best work on your soul. You have time to look in the mirror, because there are no outside influences being thrust upon you. You have to talk to yourself. You have to fall in love with all of you, the good, the bad and the ugly parts.

None of us are born perfect. No matter how we want to believe we are whole, parts of us remain in the past, parts of us are contemplating the future and parts of us we have yet to discover.

Sitting in the unknown zone for so long, I am now OK with not knowing. My plans have changed so much since I left the Northeast, that I can't even remember how many times I've sat in bewilderment of what do I do next. I still make plans, but I detach from the outcome and I no longer put all my energy into a desired result.

It's take a lot of courage to be remain detached, to wait, to not push and that's what I had to do. My whole life I had grand plans and most of the time I strong-armed them into working out. But then here I was asking to live my truth. At the time, I thought I knew what that was, but it seems it was so deeply buried that it would take nearly two years of soul-searching to unearth it. Had I know this before I left, I am sure I would have stayed put and worked my nine-to-five public relations job in the city, did my three-hour commute daily and been satisfied in doing it. But that would have been a mistake, as we seldom are given enough insight to know failure will be our greatest teacher.

After leaving New York/New Jersey, I moved to New Mexico and nothing worked out. A full-time job never materialized, one of my roommates threatened me with violence and I didn't find love. I lost my dignity and my shirt, so to speak and it took a long time to forgive myself for not being more prepared for the worst. I thought the magic carpet would be rolled out for me, since I was following my truth. Well truth isn't what or where one might think it is, or so I have come to find.

The truth is we are human and we make mistakes, and life isn't supposed to be a bed of roses. Life has drought times and harvest times, we have to learn to appreciate both. In the drought years, we look inside for nourishment in the harvest years we look outward. During the drought times, we find out the most about ourselves. During the harvest times, we find out most about how we interact with the world. Both are required. All the time we are healing, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

If we are lucky, we have more harvest times, but don't expect them to last. We can't exist in an eternal harvest. A farmer knows enough to let a field be idle for a year, because it can't support continuous life. The soil needs to be nourished and to rest.

I believe its the same aspect that's been happening to the economy. We experienced an over abundance and the Universe had to pull it back into perspective or so I think.

Drought times aren't the most enjoyable, especially when you are ill prepared for them. But still they are necessary for soul development and for advancement, because whether or not we are conscious of it healing is taking place, changes are made and hopefully what emerges is a something better.

I don't have all the answers. All I know is life is change and we need to enjoy and honor the transformational energies in both the harvest and drought periods.


Saturday, March 26, 2011

No Thanks, I'll Pass

I recently had a dear friend call me and say she met a man that needs a good woman and she thought of me. This isn't the first time this has happened. These recommendations from friends nearly always start off with "well, he's recently divorced and depressed," which immediately sends up red flags in my brain. I can't stress this enough when someone says anything remotely like this to you: run like hell.

I am currently single and have been divorced for 12 years. Some how people equate being single with being miserable. In fact, the opposite is true and until you can be happy being single you will never achieve happiness in a relationship.

First off, you are not responsible for any one's happiness but your own, nor are you responsible to to heal someone from a bad divorce or break up. Believe me I've been there and done that and have no need to repeat this experience.

Yes, it is true that after a certain age it becomes increasingly difficult to find quality people to date, especially for women. That is unless you want to date much younger men, which I've done, but with very little long-term success.

However, to my point. I have no desire to enter a relationship with anyone who thinks I can provide their happiness or uplift them from some deep dark hole they find themselves in. People just out of a relationship are rarely ready for a committed relationship. If they say they are, they cannot be alone, which should send up a reg flag. Processing issues from a breakup, especially from a long-term relationship takes years, not months.

I believe when the time is right, when we are at our happiest, we just attract the right person. In a healthy relationship, both parties are happy. Both parties can maintain their own lives. They don't need someone or something outside themselves to make them so.

But as we all know, most relationships aren't formed on happiness. They are formed on need and until one can provide for their own needs, they have no business in a relationship.

Also I would like to talk a bit about Internet dating. Hated it. Over a five-year period I attempted to meet someone from a myriad of sites. Most of the time I wanted to run from the meeting place screaming. I think these sites are fine for people in their 20s and 30s, who base love on lust and physical appearances. But when you want a relationship with more depth, I just feel you just have to be patient and wait on the Universe to bring it to you.

As you work on yourself and become the person you love, when you fall in love with your own life, you just naturally attract into your life the kind of person and the kind of relationship you desire. I don't think you can force the Universe to give you something you aren't ready for.

You are the one standing in the way of a good relationship. When you are still thinking about your ex, whether you are missing him or are thinking about killing him, you are telling the Universe that you want him or someone just like him. The Universe doesn't process hate thoughts, so when you think about a past love on any terms on a regular basis, you are sending messages to the Universe that you want him back.

Like I said it takes years to process a breakup and until you are ready for love again, you are going to get everything but.

I have finally reached a point where I just don't care anymore whether or not I meet someone. I am happy with me. A friend of mine said to me one day a long time ago, you just have to let go of thinking about men and get on with life.

I am here now. Thank you God!!!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

To The New Earth

Spring is here or soon will be. Of course down here in South Louisiana it's been in the 60s and 70s for months. Today's high is 85. Don't envy me too much for summers here hit the high 90s and if the heat doesn't kill you the humidity surely will.

I am past my hip replacement surgery and boy does it feel good to be on the other side of that one. I am one month out now and am walking with a cane. I can drive at six weeks and look forward to my regular gym workouts in two more months.

I feel a new beginning coming on, after what was the hardest two years of my life. But I digress and if you want to hear more about my harrowing journey you'll have to read it on previous blog entries. I am leaving the past in the past.

Now, I am concentrating on healing, then a full-time job in Austin, the move there and my new life there. Yippee Ki-yay!!!! Can't wait to taste Texas BBQ, especially beef ribs. It's hard to find good beef ribs. I like pork too, but beef ribs are the best.

Yes, I still eat meat. I've been toying with becoming a vegetarian, but never could get myself to stay away from the occasional hamburger or BBQ.

In the recovery and time off, I've got to keep up on the world news. My heart goes out to all those suffering in the recent earthquakes and tsunami as well as those in the Middle East struggling to overthrow their fascist regimes.

We can't deny that the earth and the world is changing. Chaos seems to rule the day on several parts of the globe. People say this is the end times. Yes, perhaps many things are going to end. I would be glad to say goodbye to the way the banks and corporate America rule this country. I would like to see humans pull together instead of fighting religious wars. I would like to see hatred of Jews and Muslims end. I would also like to see American and other countries be less dependent on oil and put funding into clean reliable energy. I don't feel it's nuclear power for reasons now obvious.

Change, yes things are going to change. I believe more earth and climate changes are ahead as well. I also see more non-democratic countries coming into consciousness and wanting their freedom. It's like the whole earth is waking up and saying no more. No more materialistic thinking. No more religious persecution.No more poisoning the earth. No more restriction of freedom.

Perhaps end times are followed by a new beginning. In many cultures including the Mayan, there was either no prediction of what was to follow 2012 or it was total destruction. Perhaps it's left up to us. Perhaps we either choose to love one another or continue to hate. I believe a new beginning must be based on love and freedom, not hatred and restriction by governments that have outgrown their usefulness.

We are on the verge of a new way of life here on earth and those clinging to the old ways of living are going to be left behind. Perhaps that's the Apocalypse means. For me I am going to live each day to its fullest.

It hasn't been reported so much on the news as of yet, but I can't help but notice how we are pulling together more than ever before. Japan is getting aid from all over the globe and now several countries including the Arab world have united against Libya to rid it of it's fascist leader. So some good has come out of some very bad situations or so I think.

Blessings to you for living during this amazing time on earth. Enjoy the beautiful full moon and Spring Equinox energies. Love to all!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

A New Beginning in 2011

It's been awhile since I've blogged. It is winter, even down here in South Louisiana it gets cold and things slow down. Not much happening really. I am volunteering at Goodwill Industries and writing my first book. I also find myself in a personal year one. Numerologists say life runs in nine year cycles. You can calculate your personal year by going to any free numerology site and inputting your birth data. Last year was a nine year for me, which meant endings and boy did I feel some endings.

This year being a huge new beginning for me, I find myself more conscious and the past all but faded away. I am living in the Now moment. Although I am formulating plans for the future. By the end of this nine-year cycle, I plan on making a living by being published book author, living abroad for part of the year, and have a healthy, nurturing, spiritual and passionate relationship with a man. What I love about being in a year one is that I don't have to accomplish all of this in one year. I have nine years to make it all happen.

However, in order to enter a one year without the past dragging behind you, you must have processed your past and let it go. And I feel Spirit took me on a journey to do just that. I don't think I could have arrived at my destination without clearing out all the energy that was defining me and dragging me down. Whether we want to admit it or not, life events and unforgiveness of those events weigh us down and prevent the new from entering. 2010 was a complete life review from past relationships, jobs and how I related to men and money.

Along with all of this looking back, there is also a huge evolutionary change happening to humans. Perhaps this is what 2012 is all about, a new earth and a new human. If you want to look into this phenomenon just look up the word Ascension on any Internet search engine. Hundreds, if not thousands of sites now talk about the Ascension process and how it is changing the earth and its inhabitants.

For me the Ascension process has helped me to be more intuitive. I don't feel I could have awakened fully in a major metropolis like Manhattan. It would have been too much sensory input.

That's why Austin, Texas seems to be beckoning me forward. It's got a small town feel with big city offerings. I hope to have most of my first book written by springtime and then take the last leap of this journey that is now more than a year in the making. Austin is environmentally friendly and the cost of living has remained low compared to other cities in the US. It also has a huge job base. TIME magazine did an article featuring several new companies based in Austin called Austin's Way.

I took a trip to Austin last fall to look into a teaching internship that didn't happen. While there I took a city tour. It did indeed feel like a small town, even with the state capital and the University of Texas dead center of the city. The night life has hundreds of venues to chose from. It's dubbed the Live Music Capital of the World. Several magazines including Outdoor and Money magazines have rated Austin as one of the top 10 places to live in the US. Plus Texas has no state income tax and auto insurance is lower than Louisiana where I now am living.

So as Cajun's say Si Bon!!! It's all good!