Saturday, March 26, 2011

No Thanks, I'll Pass

I recently had a dear friend call me and say she met a man that needs a good woman and she thought of me. This isn't the first time this has happened. These recommendations from friends nearly always start off with "well, he's recently divorced and depressed," which immediately sends up red flags in my brain. I can't stress this enough when someone says anything remotely like this to you: run like hell.

I am currently single and have been divorced for 12 years. Some how people equate being single with being miserable. In fact, the opposite is true and until you can be happy being single you will never achieve happiness in a relationship.

First off, you are not responsible for any one's happiness but your own, nor are you responsible to to heal someone from a bad divorce or break up. Believe me I've been there and done that and have no need to repeat this experience.

Yes, it is true that after a certain age it becomes increasingly difficult to find quality people to date, especially for women. That is unless you want to date much younger men, which I've done, but with very little long-term success.

However, to my point. I have no desire to enter a relationship with anyone who thinks I can provide their happiness or uplift them from some deep dark hole they find themselves in. People just out of a relationship are rarely ready for a committed relationship. If they say they are, they cannot be alone, which should send up a reg flag. Processing issues from a breakup, especially from a long-term relationship takes years, not months.

I believe when the time is right, when we are at our happiest, we just attract the right person. In a healthy relationship, both parties are happy. Both parties can maintain their own lives. They don't need someone or something outside themselves to make them so.

But as we all know, most relationships aren't formed on happiness. They are formed on need and until one can provide for their own needs, they have no business in a relationship.

Also I would like to talk a bit about Internet dating. Hated it. Over a five-year period I attempted to meet someone from a myriad of sites. Most of the time I wanted to run from the meeting place screaming. I think these sites are fine for people in their 20s and 30s, who base love on lust and physical appearances. But when you want a relationship with more depth, I just feel you just have to be patient and wait on the Universe to bring it to you.

As you work on yourself and become the person you love, when you fall in love with your own life, you just naturally attract into your life the kind of person and the kind of relationship you desire. I don't think you can force the Universe to give you something you aren't ready for.

You are the one standing in the way of a good relationship. When you are still thinking about your ex, whether you are missing him or are thinking about killing him, you are telling the Universe that you want him or someone just like him. The Universe doesn't process hate thoughts, so when you think about a past love on any terms on a regular basis, you are sending messages to the Universe that you want him back.

Like I said it takes years to process a breakup and until you are ready for love again, you are going to get everything but.

I have finally reached a point where I just don't care anymore whether or not I meet someone. I am happy with me. A friend of mine said to me one day a long time ago, you just have to let go of thinking about men and get on with life.

I am here now. Thank you God!!!

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